November 01, 2002 : bookfairs and rants

Happy November!

Eva's in to winning online contests. I didn't know she possessed such a skill. If there was a way to play the lottery online we would most certainly win, because last night in our mailbox there were 2 free tickets to something else: Boekenboeurs. A flemish book fair.

We woke up, ate two bagels (a Del Haize treat) with vegetarian fake meat (another delicacy I'm becoming addicted to) and we headed out. We stopped for a coffee at Susan's and she told us about a her great new dog walking job. I've offered to help out when she can't make it, and it sounds great to roam around animal-friendly Antwerp behind two roaming little much-loved dogs. (much loved because they were shipped all the way from Austrailia.) :)

So on to the bookfair. Such mobile folks we are now that we have our beloved scooter. Just heading to our destination, located on the outkirts of Antwerp, made us feel a bit more free than we did this time last year. This time last year we were ready to head to my first day at school and Eva's first day on the job. We had just moved in to our new apartment and we were still without internet and still without seating. We didn't have a kitchen table, a water-warmer, or even shelving. We simply had shelter and each other.

What a difference a year makes. Our apartment is now decked out with several rooms; kitchen, dining room, livingroom, office, bedroom, library, and bathroom. It's amazing what one can do with a simple "L" shaped room; aka studio apartment.

Phenomenal the fact that the Flemish like to read! Granted, it was a holiday, but the place was packed! Authors were signing their books and kids were running around with the latest editions of their favorite series. There were language displays and books entirely filled with photos made from Lomo camers. Fastanstic.

The most amazing section was the ATM. The KBC bank had rolled in a virtual ATM machine, only it was a literal van packed with several "tellers" and you put your card in a machine and you could watch the people through the glass getting out your money. Basically we "bought" money out of our account. It made me wonder if every machine in Belgium has a man or woman behind it simply making change and forcing it back at me through the slot. It was a strange mix of history and technology. Brilliant.

Our only purchase was a map with bike trails through the Antwerp district. We would have bought more if money had allowed, but we were happy with the freebies we landed...and our map.

I suppose I got all melancholy, as I always do, when we passed thick, well-designed, design books. Books on agencies in Amsterdam or coloring books made by artists. It devestates me. I become all imobile and mute. I retract myself into a world where I am a wide-eyed child far removed from all things interesting. It's like I look at my own body of work and say, "Andrea!!!!!!!!"

Which is what I do sometimes in all actuality. Just this week, while Eva was at work, I paced around the house saying to myself, "Come on...do something!"

If only I knew what to do! If only I could subtract myself to the college student who didn't know that every website had to have an "about us" section and a "contact us" link and that photographs had to be compressed so much that the quality is slightly muddy! If only I hadn't learn to love sans-serif typefaces so much that the serifed ones became frightening! If only I hadn't become used to one form over an other! If this was the case I wouldn't be so afraid of Flash and XML and CSS and the like. Poor me.

Whatever. I'm working on it! (me) I'm breaking down so many walls right now that I surely will wake some morning with visible bruises.

When we returned home, Eva and I puttered around the house exchanging stories of would-be sexual offenders (that sounds more violent that it probably should) and tried to figure out if we should head into town for some good ol' boom boom music and dancing. As of right now we've put it off and it's 2 in the morning. The clock says 3, but we still haven't changed our clocks. We're damn lazy.

This is our problem! ;) I'm working on it! (me)

We supplimented our evening with a trip to Het Roze huis just in case we didn't make it out for the more "partying" atmosphere at Club Poppi (Club Geluk). When we got home Eva messed around with something we picked up in Holland way back on our trip to Germany, and I ate leftover mashed beans with some bio tortilla chips from the Del Haize. (sense a pattern here?)

We basically plunked ourselves in front of the computers for the next little bit, after I got tired of reading a book I've been sucked into, and Eva got tired of watching me read. I started looking at information on autos in the states. I suppose I landed on a site by accident, by clicking on a banner in my Yahoo email, regardless an hour later saw me changing my homepage at andreawilkinson.com. I just got angry. If not angry then blown away. Whatever, I'm glad that I have an outlet with which to vent my feelings. The web is so beautifully "now." So immediate. You have to love an art form/outlet that can be changed in a matter of seconds.

Anyway, the evening is coming to a close...will we go for yet another scooter ride? Or will Eva continue to look and apply online for strange jobs located in the US for native Dutch speakers. I don't mind, her hopeful emails are so adorable and chuck full of "I want to live in America" hints. It's always worth a shot.

IN THE NEWS:
The single European currency has broken through parity with the dollar for the first time in three months, following worries over the health of the US economy.
One euro was worth $1.0003 at about 1450 GMT on Friday, as currency traders fretted over weak US consumer spending, unemployment figures and a struggling manufacturing sector. The euro later fell back below parity to trade at about $0.99.

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November 03, 2002 : stranger friends

I didn't quite know how to write that. Friends who are strangers. People I don't know who are friends. Acquaintances who are intimately involved in my life without my knowing. :) That was taking it a bit far.

Today Eva got up and started making breakfast, and as she scrambled eggs, my telephone rang. It was a woman we're hoping to work with via plainegg. We've talked a couple of times, but nothing more than information bits passed between us. Well today she called and we talked and talked and talked. I only write it in threes because that's how I'd say it. I doubt I'd write it three times if I was just depending on words on a page, regardless, I walked around the house, stared out the window, and chatted with this person I've never seen much like we're old friends.

Eva was curious as to who it was? Did I know the person? It wasn't one of her friends. And then it dawned on her that the person on the other end of the line did know me fairly well, as well as a person can know with this assortment of entries at their disposal. We ended up deciding that even if we didn't work together we at least had to get together for a coffee to which she agreed. At least tomorrow we will know which it is, coffee or work or both. I'm hoping both.

Eva and I have had the most wonderful weekend together. Yesterday we faired fairly well at the mall. We actually had a wonderful time, all things considered... After all, Eva turns a bit freakish when there are too many people around and for me, since Sinter Klaus is around the corner there were Zwarte Petes running all over the place...white people painted black (from chimney soot) who are not elf like, just painted black wearing brightly colored jester-type clothes. Absolutely frightening. We actually saw Sinter Klaus pull up in a limo complete with body guards and such...complete with zwarte petes running all over the place. Pretty cool. Poor Sinter Klaus's days are numbered...he'll be a "when I was young" holiday of the past before you know it. Santa Clause it here to stay. It's a shame...not for the zwarte petes, of course, but for the man himself. Ok, even for the zwarte petes. :)

Today we headed out for a bit of basketball in the afternoon but left as soon as the clouds seemed to be on the verge of opening upon us. They actually waited until we were back at our scooter to pour down on us, and the closer we got to home, the more it seemed it would let up. Actually, once we crossed the half-way mark it began to pour even harder. Rains in November (even if you insist on considering November an Autumn month) are cold. Really cold. It was our first downpour since we've been on the scooter and it didn't dampen our day even a bit. (a bad pun) On the contrary, it made us have even a better time. I have grown so accustomed to staying out of the rain that it was fun to have to be in it. There was no way to avoid it. Eva had water coming off of my helmet and straight onto her face...I just hunkered down and drove slow and we tried to keep from laughing so hard that it affects my driving.

So I dont' know what made this weekend unlike all the others. We've had a steady stream of good weekends...restful ones jam or very packed ones. Regardless, we are enjoying each other's company. I'm truly more mad about Eva than I have ever been and the same goes for her to me. It's not a honeymoon, it's a settling down into something great feeling. I'm one lucky girl.

IN THE NEWS: (this is more for Eva, as she used to be quite the Spice Girls fan)
Police arrested five people Saturday for allegedly plotting to kidnap Spice Girl Victoria Beckham by ambushing her outside her house with a chemical knockout spray, Scotland Yard and a British newspaper said. Police said officers had arrested four men and one woman they believed were part of the conspiracy to kidnap Beckham — whose husband is England soccer captain David Beckham — after the News of the World tabloid tipped them off.

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November 04, 2002 : Your A Winner

Ok, so before I get a lot of emails letting me know the error of my grammar, let me just say that I know it in advance...I just thought it was a bit funny to get a spam mail with this as the subject: idgiensweden, Your A Winner up to $1,000.00 Cash

Ridiculous. It makes almost every English fan in my immediate circle of friends/family cringe. It's almost like getting mail sent to a Wilkerson or a Wilkenson which is much like getting something for a Mr. A Wilkinson (which is also my dad, but when I get it at my own house far away from Missouri...there's a problem). To top it all off, the letter-related thing I hate most is when someone writes to a company and says, "Dir Sirs." That's so...wrong.

Well this morning I went back to the City tall today with all of my appropriate papers. Being illegal didn't have much of an affect on me...I would have put being legal off until another day, but Eva wanted me out of the house this morning and off for legality. I suppose being illegal did have a bit of a profound impact on me, as I boarded a PACKED tram and couldn't pay...I got off at the next stop and squeezed myself onto the front of the tram so I could pay. I could just picture it...girl with 4 day expired papers dodges police on packed tram. "I couldn't get to the driver to pay" she was heard saying...as they drug her off to the city-house where she claims to have been headed anyway.

I waited for 4 hours this time. I suffered through a whole book I didn't really intend on reading in its entirety. My number today was 253. It started off at 200. You'd think that 53 "cases" would go rather quickly, but they were in spurts. Some here, some there...by the time it got down to the last 3 I was dead nervous and had ants in my pants. I had ants in my pants anyway, but that's another story. You can only look at red numbers on a wall for so long without going completely insane. I don't know why other people don't seem to get as worked up about it as I do. Maybe they are used to waits...after all, I heard two Americans today both with voices of desperation. One was along the lines of "How am I supposed to go get the paper and be back and still be able to get a number..." The other expression was merely an eye-roll. The eyes said, "God. It's soooo Belgium." Of course I do remember the visit to the DMV in California. Same type of experience...only a literal line. Snail's pace. Grueling.

My number blinks and I'm off to the desk. I show the lady the papers (different lady, immediately I like her more than the last one) and she says, "yes...ok..." and goes and gets my file. Then she lands here eyes on the 'letter of support' and just as she's doing that I realize I don't have Eva's identity card with me.

I can definitely say that a bit of the old Andrea has returned. I just started laughing. No almost-tears, just chuckles. I can't believe it. Everything was in order. Oh well. Then the most amazing thing happened. The lady started writing down the time-frame of hours I could show up tomorrow (a window of 45 minutes) where I could bypass the ticketing issue and just hand her the identity card. Just like that! No waiting. No more books. No more almost falling out of my chair or the jerking awake. (didn't happen, but could have.)

Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

When I got home and started preparing my soup (I am still into my pumpkin and tomato Knorr soup phase) I got a phone call from the man behind our new plainegg project. We got it. Eva screamed like a school girl when I called her to let her know. Funny how these are the moments I'd want to hold on to if I ever had an agency of my own. I'd want to get on the intercom and announce it to our three floors of office space. There is something exciting about working for/with other people. Having that meeting last week reminded me of it--I suppose I've done a bit too much self self work lately, though I want it to continue as well, certainly. Regardless, we're pleased and are starting to work on it asap.

IN THE NEWS:
Authorities said drivers were going too fast for foggy conditions before a massive freeway pileup of nearly 200 cars and big-rig trucks that injured 41 people, nine critically. California Highway Patrol Officer Joseph Pace said visibility was down to about 50 feet in heavy fog when the chain-reaction crashes began just before 7 a.m. Sunday on the Long Beach Freeway. There were 194 vehicles involved, including seven or eight big rigs. The freeway, about 25 miles south of Los Angeles, was shut down for nearly 11 hours before it was reopened.

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November 06, 2002 : the world of water

I'm not going to go into the elections that took place back home. Did anyone actually believe that by some act of God the American people would vote Republican? Of course they did in some parts, thank goodness, but not on the whole. Apparently many people were in the mood to vote "right" as many states decided against lessing weed laws, homo laws, etc. That's a funny term, "voting right" as "right" is relative to your beliefs. I sure wish the States had a nice color-coded version such as, "I vote Orange" or "Teal" or something. I suppose the world over "voting right" means conservative and "left" means liberal. Strange. (not really, but I hope you understand what I mean.)

Regarding water, there are several things to mention. First and foremost that is the only liquid in our house. (not too uncommon) I don't try to keep a supply of anything else on hand, though I think I could have used a raspberry beer today. (just because it tastes great!!!!!)

I will follow up with more water-specific stories later on...

Today I worked on our new project and am very pleased with the results. I have been slaving over it to such an extent that perhaps I will be done a day early with the first round of mockups. Last week I saw myself pacing around the room talking to myself about how when you are inexperienced (I'm talking about graphic design) you tend to do things you would never do once you are "experienced." Well I'm trying to get back to that a bit. None of this stodgy business, but by doing things I haven't done as of late. Well I'm doing that with this project, as I forsee it will broaden me a bit regardless of which design is chosen. I've worked into the design new things I have to experiment with, and it's a wonderful feeling! It's great to be excited about projects, as it makes work seem fun which is something I strive for. The word "fun" might be a little frivelous, but it's along the lines of what I mean.

Regarding water, it rained today. They are working up the street on bettering the intersection (it is a bastardly blind corner, and here in Belgium they are anti-stopsign and merely have a yeild-to-the-right law. I dont' quite get it, as stop signs make sense. You have to stop first before you go. What a concept! :) Regardless, the noise the people were making up the street with their diggers and picks and cement saws and such was horrific. If I had lived above it I think I would have gone mad. Think the short story "The Yellow Wallpaper" by I think Kate Chopin. It wasn't quite the same, as I wasn't trying to find the end of a wallpaper design, but the sound...literlly could drive a person bonkers. As humans we are very unused to that heavy metal grating sound...and things sliding on concrete that shouldn't be sliding and such. Horrific. It was far worse than the morons who insist on honking their horn at stalled traffic on garbage day. If the guy in front of you can't move...he can't move! It's life.

Back to water. As I mentioned, it rained today. I had to pick up Eva at the station (I didn't have to, I have the priveledge of picking her up) and I had to drive on the wet streets with rain stinging my face. I suppose it will get worse and worse as the winter sets in which is something us brommer people dont' like to think about. We came home with wet britches and huge appetities. And regarding the meal, well I curdled the coconut milk-something I would have previously thought impossible. It tasted ok, the thai meal I created, but I couldn't get over the mini-vegetable milk-curds floating around. Eva didn't seem to mind though.

Tonight amist my design storm, I got an email from someone who happened upon my journal via the web who is also an American living in Belgium. It's funny how many people seem to drop out of the world and land on my humble journal. I've got to spice it up a bit, you know? It's been the same layout since I first started messing around with it. Anyway, it's always great to hear from a new person who finds me via...whatever. If YOU found me via the web and you're poking around in this pseudo-person space, feel free to correspond.

Now the mainliner, water. We all know that the 3-rivers damn in china was a project on the horizon, something that would not only change the eco-system and uproot millions of peasants but also provide a ton of hydro-electric power to the chinese. Well it's one step closer. The Yellow River has been stopped up. It's no longer flowing. I'm for progress, but that sounds sad.

IN THE NEWS:
China finished blocking the Yangtze River at the Three Gorges Dam Wednesday, paving the way for the world's biggest hydroelectricity and flood control project to come on stream next year, state media said. The controversial $25 billion dam, which is forcing the relocation of 1.2 million peasants living along the river's banks before ancient villages and relics are submerged, came two days before a crucial Communist Party Congress opens in Beijing. State television showed big dump trucks and bulldozers pouring boulders into the dam's final opening, a diversion canal built in 1997 for boats to navigate the river during construction.

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November 07, 2002 : bank cards and brussels

I overslept this morning, but rapidly decided to not let that mess up my day. I worked on the last couple of mockups and then spent the rest of the day doing research online for various up and coming projects.

One of the things I happened to land on was this: http://ttt.media.mit.edu/videos.html Talk about amazing! If you have an hour to spare watch movie of The Flying Karamazov Brothers. I'm a fan of watching 4-minute video blurbs on the internet, but not a whole hour. I was glued to my chair! Go get something to munch on while the introduction is going on (it's not a very interesting part) but once the band becomes performers...damn. What a show!

See...I'm even shaking my head in remembering. To think I would drive the masses to an hour-long streamed video of jugglers who talk about physics, and play music. Oh yes, it's true. It's great.

Today was supposed to be a day in which I hopped the train into Brussels--off to meet the first-year students of Transmedia. Unfortunately, due to Eva's workplace being the most backwards of book-keepers, Eva still hadn't received her last-month's wage on her account. When you live on one account, one "sure thing" then it's pretty difficult to make your way into an entirely new month without some help.

Yesterday Eva had a sandwich ordeal in which she mailed some letters and then didn't have enough money to buy her sandwich. She then decided to pay for her sandwich with her proton card (read: small bits of cash you put into the memory of the chip on your bank card) and then after the sandwich had been made, the proton machine was broken.

Yes yes, my dearest Eva felt a little embarrassed. You would too. Not having money. It's almost as bad as a card simply not working. I had a bout of that with my Visa card. It's not a pleasant experience.

Since we wanted her to be able to pay off her debt to Panos today without a problem, I gave her my bank card. Not thinking of this in advance, I soon realized that this meant I couldn't go to Brussels on the train. Some might, at this time, mention the Visa card. Well since I am living in Belgium and not working in the states, I no longer have money in my American account to pay off my purchases on the card. (make sense?) Don't worry! I'm not wracking up debts I can't pay off! I'm not wracking up debts at all! I am not one of those Americans who owes a bank/company my first borne child. Thank heavens.

Back to Panos. I get the following email from Eva about her trip to pay off her sandwich bill. (I wondered if she'd get her day-old sandwhich...)

"The girl I ordered the broodje with wasn't there today. I'll go back tomorrow. Something else funny happened though...I was sitting in the upstairs part of Panos and suddenly I hear someone raise their voice. One of the broodjes girls is telling another that she 'is just like her sister'. I sense that it isn't a complement. So the other retorts. 'You cunt' to which the other says 'Bitch' and the last words answered back to her are 'well fuck you and do it yourself' as one of the girls throws something down and storms off. Bear in mind that I cannot see this, only hear it. What I could see however, was all the people standing in line waiting to be served and the amused, interested and shocked faces they displayed. Never a dull day at Panos..."

Now THAT is an exciting lunchtime.

The rest of the afternoon saw me drinking a coffee with Susan across the street and heading to the station to pick up Eva. We came home and sent round one of the mockups and prepared our dinner. Consequently we also watched an episode of 3rd Rock From the Sun (we think it was maybe the the last one they made because they left Earth?!?!) and then we watched an episode of Zorro. I thought Zorro lived on a boat and knifed the letter "Z" into sails. This Zorro lives in a Mission somewhere in the desert...and their Spanish accent/mix of words is hilarious. Why they just didn't talk with an accent, I'll never know.

We made our spaghetti with falafel balls and headed out the door with our two bowls. Susan and Leila had asked us over for dinner at their house. A dinner in which we both prepared our own meals and simply eat it together. We had our meal and they ate mashed potatoes and grilled chicken. It was a lovely suggestion. We felt strange/empowered walking out of our house with steaming plates of spaghetti over to our neighbor's house. We'll have to do it again.

Back at the house I finally ran into Jessica online. I also managed to book a couple of nights for our trip to Salzburg with my parents. Jessica and I finally got the mic/headphones working and we stayed up for awhile talking to each other--filling each other in on the holes. As we were filling in the holes, Eva was reading her latest book, "Morality and Moral Controversies." She fell asleep which made me feel better about having being able to hear only one side of an internet voice connection.

After Jessica let me go with a, "I'm starving and I think dinner is ready" I got ready for bed. Once I was in bed Eva woke back up and got out of bed to get ready for bed. (I like the redundancy of those sentences...) As she was flossing and such, I read the first two pages of the Morality and Moral Contraversies...which included a story of 5 sailors who were adrift at sea after their boat sank...who subsided on canned turnips for 4 days, then a small sea-turtle for 5 more days, and then after no food for 7 more days and no water for 4 of those days, they opted to kill the youngest member of their party. An ill-fated 17 year old. On this they subsisted for 4 more days when they were saved and promptly charged with murder. (though they would most surely would have all died if they had waited another 4 days.) Interesting, eh?

IN THE NEWS:
Winona Ryder has been convicted of felony theft charges for her now-famous shopping excursion at a Saks Fifth Avenue store, but that doesn't mean the actress will spend any time behind bars. Prosecutor Ann Rundle said probation, community service and restitution are the probable penalties for Ryder after she was found guilty Wednesday of stealing more than $5,500 worth of merchandise at the Beverly Hills store last year.

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November 08, 2002 : aldi and raspberries

It was raining. It's (nearly) always raining here. Especially now that the weather wants to be winter but it's technically still Autumn. I swore that the rain was one step away from snow.

Since Eva was running a bit behind schedule, I went ahead and headed to the Aldi. I didn't mind that it was raining really, I just appreciated the idea of not having to lug all of my cheap groceries back on foot. Aldi was a madhouse. Not the sort of typical madhouse where there is hardly room to move, it was a madhouse due to the fact that there were two unruly 5 year olds running about. When I mean unruly, I mean on the verge of not being right in the head. The mothers (I think they might have been lesbians or friends or sisters) couldn't care less. I had the privilege of being directly behind them in the checkout line. Me with my 15 carefully picked items (we are sure to use and not let go to waste) and them with their two completely crazy children and their cart with a 1001 items.

They were using chocolate sinter klaus sweets as an incentive for the boy and girl to behave which didn't work at all. The moms just stood over them carrying on their own conversations while the little girl picked up a can of green beans and dropped it and picked it back up and dropped it over and over again. I was making the sort of face to the people behind me like, "Geez...crazy kids/parents, eh?" To which everyone responded, "yeah...total nut-cases."

It just continued to get more and more out of hand. I moved to a different checkout (I wasn't about to subject myself to their screams at such a close proximity) and Eva called. I was getting ready to be the person up to bat. At Aldi the checkout people literally throw your stuff back to you as they sort with one hand and blindly enter amounts for the products you're buying. "Where are you?" Eva wondered to which I replied, "Aldi...I'm around completely nut-zoid children which I'll tell you about later...and I'm the next person up at checkout and I need time to prepare myself."

Thankfully she understood and let me go. As I lifted my last remaining items up on the conveyor belt I see the boy-child parallel to me in the next checkout. The mom grabs his jacket cover in an effort to not let him slip behind me to go chase the girl when POW! As she pulls he moves and he catches the corner of the conveyor system right on the forehead...a noticeable whelp already forming. Talk about an het hard huilen! Had it not been so bad before with their animal noises then perhaps we wouldn't have been so prepared...he wailed on and on and the mother had no idea what had happened. "Here you go sonny...quit crying and dont' forget that you'll get some chocolate sinter klauses if you're a good boy."

Let me out of here!

16 Euro and I bought enough to sustain us for a weekend that includes a holiday. 16 Euros and I have rice, pasta, cheese, bread, and the 50 cent Chicken Cordon Bleus (that's what they break out to be... it's 4 for 2 euro.) I packed up my backpack and our handy-dandy secret orange reusable canvas bag that's on our brommer key and headed home. I had just enough time to unpack and then leave again to pick up Eva.

We went to the Del Haize on the brommer and bought a few more things to go with my Aldi purchases. Sauces and vegetarian meet, biscuits for Eva, raspberry treats for deserts. That sort of thing. Probably all the foods I will no undoubtedly miss when/if we are ever stateside again. :)

Back at the ranch (home) I made cordon blue because there was no room in the inn (freezer) for any of our need-to-be-frozen products. I made these generic brand (real white meat) chicken bits into a delightful dinner. I even made vegetables and mashed potatoes that Eva couldn't seem to get over. Actually, now that I think of it, smothering the potatoes in brown gravy didn't even cross my mind! Wow. I am separating myself with regular ol' middle americana. ;)

The rest of the evening was spent figuring out slight website challenges I've been putting off dissecting for quite some time. My appetite was unbelievable, in both the world of computer challenges and appetite itself. We bought raspberry everything, from beer to mouse to yogurt. Yum! I plunked myself in front of the computer and kept a steady stream of raspberried treats at my disposal. And the yogurt? I once tried yogurt in an effort to impress a girl once. (she'll remain nameless, as it is a bit embarrassing that I added yogurt to my list of attempts to gain her favour) Regardless, the time she made me try yogurt I swallowed with a bit of difficulty and decided that she'd just have to like me even if I hated yogurt. But this yogurt was different. I am, after-all, 26 and I'm going through a taste-bud overhaul and learning and/or trying new things.

Well I know one more thing that's added to my growing list of newly found I-love-to-eat items. Creamy raspberry yogurt. It's even got chunks of real berries. It's not Danon or Yoplait, so I"m a little nervous as if I should get a new affection for something impossible to find back in the US. If you live near a supercenter, let me know. If you live near a health-foods store, let me know. If/when we return, we're going to have to support smaller markets...

Europe is a slight curse, isn't it? It's changed my life, hasn't it? I'm growing a conscience, aren't I? Wal-Mart vs. smaller store which is more expensive.

I dont' have to figure that one out yet, and so I'll push that on to a time when maybe I dont' have an online journal anymore to keep me in check.

IN THE NEWS:
Fast-food giant McDonald's Corp. said on Friday it would close about 175 restaurants, slash up to 600 corporate jobs and pull out of three countries in the Middle East and Latin America as it struggles to turn around its U.S. performance and trim worldwide costs.

I have several theories as to the state of McDonald's:
1) Too many stores.
2) Burger King tastes better (better value for buck)
3) McDonald's is seen as huge corporation with its eyes on world-domination which causes some people to not eat at there.
4) In foreign countries I think it's seen as being a little "too American."

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November 10, 2002 : something like hate mail.

I don't know what to say. I just got the following comment to my journal: see the entry called "the head bowl" and scroll down to the comments. How someone landed on that particular page is news to me. I'm curious. I have no pre-determined guess on how someone landed there/here. I'm still amazed that people find me at all.

I am still sitting at the screen with a slight headache at my first bit of hate mail. Or is it hate mail? Or is it just someone else's perfectly wonderful opinion? I will try to stay optimistic and hope that it is an opinion. We are all full of them. Especially us Americans. (in every shape, color, pocketbook size, or package we live in.) And Eva and I sat and discussed, in detail, the randomness and purpose of such a journal as I am keeping. It started out as a way to record. It started out from the grief of losing my grandmother and the inner bewilderment at having spent 6 months in a foreign country and losing bits of myself every single day. It started out as a project for school. It started out as a way to make sure I kept writing. It started out as a fulfillment of a long-time dream (sounds ridiculous) of having my life down on paper. It started out because I couldn't remember all of my birthdays and for once I wanted to remember not only birthdays, but days themselves.

Back to opinions. I welcome them. Funny how it happened on a day when I have already talked to a friend back in the states and she was frustrated that "all of those people" can make it to the US and be illegal and I have a beautiful girl in my life who is white, highly educated, marketable, speaks the language of my very own country (granted, with an ever so slight British accent) and she very well might have the damnedest time getting to stay in the US. (should we decide to attempt it.) Ok, so it isn't fair.

And no, I haven't lost a job to a dark-skinned counterpart. And yes, just last week we had a long discussion with a ticket-taker on the train who said that the peoples that speak the "romance languages" are a people that will slowly take over the world. (if the Muslims don't do it first.)

Oh my. I'm quite in a hole now! See how this person has turned the tables and it continues to turn? First an opposite and NATIONALISM (yes, written out in capitals) and then the phone conversations about the unfairness of it all, and then a bit on the romance languages. I think the man was Flemish alluding to the French part of Belgium. He also brought up the Spanish vs. English discussion in the US. This, of course, will only heighten and grow more and more in the coming years as the Spanish speakers of the US transition themselves into more middle class and into a position of more power. I'm not saying there aren't upper class Hispanics. (please interpret this in the global sense instead of something ridiculous coming from a "middle class white girl wanna be European elitist ass.") Point being, a nation grows and adjusts. We expand and contract. We loosen restraints and then sometimes tighten them like nooses. We have to discuss things instead of skirting issues that will come back to haunt us. Forget things haunting us, they will haunt our children's children. If you aren't into offspring, it will haunt the children of the cute little baby you saw being pushed in her all-terrain BMX bicycle-tired stroller.

Thank you. (end of speech)

What a night! All of these emotions/ideals coming to light within a half-hour period.

I have nothing left to say except what I thought was humorous in the news today. Maybe it can be the bright spot of an already wonderful day (truthfully said!)...and don't forget I welcome opinions and/or comments.

IN THE NEWS:
An occupation or education in art and design may be associated with an increased risk of body dysmorphic disorder, an obsession with imagined or slight imperfections in appearance, preliminary study findings suggest.

So it's not that I'm a little chunky, it's because I'm in the process of becoming an artist. (enter smile here.)

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November 11, 2002 : movies

Last week I happened to look up what movies were playing at Antwerp and I stumbled upon a movie that looked quite interesting. The title: Bowling for Columbine. I watched the trailer and added it to our Monday night agenda. It was the only day it was showing, and so, among other things, it filled our Monday night time slot.

Thank god we didn't change our minds. Thank goodness we got out of bed (late, as usual) and opted to do our laundry anyway instead of putting it off in place of the movie. We had three things on our schedule; laundry, a meeting with a prospective translating job for Eva, and the movie. I had originally planned on going for an afternoon run with Tom, but didn't make it. It was the thing nixed from our list. (which I wish wasn't such a common occurrence.) <--we're working on that.

We headed to the cheap laundry mat, and it seemed that everyone had the same plans as us. It was full up. Thankfully, directly across the street there is another one. We parked the very laundry-laden scooter and took our bags inside. We are ever so glad that Jessica left behind her IKEA bags, as they are the perfect laundry carriers. As we started doing the washing, we noticed the neighborhood pack of children (yes, they are all from the same household...6 in total). We knew them from a previous laundry experience. I thought I had already mentioned it before, but as I've gone through the previous entries, I can't seem to find it. Surely I mentioned the day the Laundromat flooded.

Regardless, that's the day we met these rug-rats. There is no other term for them. They are future-less children. The sort that make you shake your head and almost cry over them. On the water-laundry day one of the small children was splashing around in the dirty water in her bare feet and standing on the sidewalk pulling up her sun-dress and showing her too-big dirty underwear. How can a kid grow up to think much of themselves if you see i-am-probably-taken-advantage-of all over their face? She broke my heart.

I didn't see her today.

We were sitting there watching the spin cycles when the kids started attacking our scooter. I attempted in my Dutch to say, Hey, that's mine, but then Eva came out to try to take control to no avail. A woman inside told us to bring the scooter inside and so we took her advice. We parked it right by the door.

This didn't stop the kids. A young boy of about 4 or 5 and his sister of around 12 were not deterred. They came on in and egged us on, standing by the scooter and touching it with one finger. We lunged at them. Actually, I was sitting there awed by their taunting. Eva lunged. And then the other lady stepped in.

Wow.

She had had run-ins with the kids before. She was a big black woman from Ghana, mother of 6. She ran at them and slammed the door in their faces. I'll beat you, she said, and they seemed to take it to heart. They returned once more and then left us for good.

The washing seemed to go so quickly. By the time it was over I didn't want to leave her company. As we had been loading our washer, she had been loading their's with the help of her daughter. I kept hearing a grunting sound--sort of like a conversation, and only after the fact did I realize that her daughter was deaf.

I didn't want to leave her because she was full of goodness. If not goodness, strength. She told us what her life had been like in Ghana, rapes and deaths, every day an uncertainty. She told us her feelings about the immigrants in Antwerp, and the difference between the Armenians and Moroccans (the children are Armenian) and the friendly Turkish. She talked about the discipline of children. She just went on and on. She told us that she had seen these children torment older people in the Laundromat and that they spoiled everything they touched. She told us of how the children ruined an unlocked car, and how they had put their baby sister in a sealed washer and then into a dryer.

It was a chance meeting which I hope happens again. She told us her address and I wish I could bump into her or drop her a note of thanks. We make little jokes in Flemish to each other. She was a woman I would want to have coffee with or something. Something. She's worth it. It would be worth my time to start talking walks in the direction of her home or doing laundry more often just for another chance meeting.

We didn't have the proper change for the dryer and we were sad to part ways. A handshake and a thank you.

And that was just the early afternoon. We dried our laundry at another shop that took Euro 20 cent pieces and headed to Het Roze Huis to meet with the authors of the book. We sat there and chatted for over an hour and Eva was quite relieved that they were such a great blend of calm and excitedness. Eva had only talked on the phone with them until then, so we were both happy that we got along with them so well. As we were leaving one of the ladies said, "you like eggs?" To which I said, "sure." And the other lady went running off toward the car to bring us back 4 eggs laid by one of their hens.

Now that's neat!

Back at home we ate dinner as quickly as possible and headed to the movie. Tom met us there and we sat down and were pleased with the decently-packed movie. It's not every day people flock to see a documentary.

I suppose I knew it was going to be such a film. I knew it was going to make me cringe with every new scene, but I had no idea I would find myself so moved so often. The things it covered: fear, guns, the portrayal of black America, columbine, suburbia, violence, corporations, the NRA, Marilyn Manson, values, the militia, canada...and bits of facts and figures so haunting you could watch as people across the cinema sat there shaking their heads. "How can this be?" you could hear their heads thinking in the Flemish equivalent.

It was a great film.

Post-trauma, we grabbed a couple of drinks with Tom at the Oprahouse cafe that Eva loathes and I like. (Tom likes it too) We sat there for the next 2 hours picking the world apart (as usual) and listening to all sorts of opinions and how to better ourselves, what I mean is "give" of ourselves. We talked about "making differences" and the collapse of the World's economy. We chatted about supply and demand and the fact that downtowns the world over were being eaten by malls. We talked about being people that marched vs. being people that simply lived. I'm of the impression that at some point in time you perhaps have to do more than just "live." What is it to be an active participant instead of a more comfortable one. I haven't work it all out yet, but I'm working on it. Feel free to send comments and/or email.

So that's that. We left Tom's company and sped home on our little scooter. Eva and I always manage to silence ourselves. We always take that bit of scooter quite time and ponder the day. We had much to digest, the movie, our conversations and a side comment by Tom in which we he mentioned nothing in particular, but it got us thinking "what could it be/did it mean?"

That sounds worse than it really is, but it got us thinking about our friendships and our division of time. We just don't do it very well. Eva and I are still unorganized and still run behind and still have good intentions. But we're working on it. We need to work a bit harder. We need to be a bit more dependable. There are a lot of things we need to work on. And finally the word "need" is not in reference to going somewhere or spending money on an object. It's just a personal need. We're working on it.

IN THE NEWS:
Searchers and dazed survivors went from one shattered home to another Monday, picking through splintered lumber and torn sheet metal for any sign of the missing, after twisters and thunderstorms killed at least 35 people in five states. More than 70 reported tornadoes cut a path of destruction from Louisiana to Pennsylvania over the weekend and into Monday. Sixteen deaths were reported in Tennessee, 12 in Alabama, five in Ohio and one each in Mississippi and Pennsylvania. More than 200 people were injured.

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November 12, 2002 : Mac OS X and duplicate emails

I'm not going to go into it. The only thing I have to say is that I crashed the computers in the Transmedia lab 6 times in a matter of an hour or so. It was so disturbing that I packed up and came home to my much slower Pentium II 350 and my handy ibook. I am still not convinced that Apple did a good thing with OS X. I'm still very happy with my OS 9.2. Furthermore, I dont' like Windows XP and prefer my Windows 2002. What can I say. It sounds like I am getting old. I will have to eventually upgrade everything...which means I will have to get pirated copies of all of the software I already have that runs perfectly fine on the computers I have.

So since I'd rather not go on and on about that, I thought that since i have received the same forward twice in the last 3 days, I figured I should post my answers to it. Just so no one has to send me that same email ever again. (sort of joking.) It's funny how I never ever ever respond to them, but this time I thought, well...what the heck. I answered them both.

Ha ha. Funny thing is, I thought I saved it in the sent folder...but I appear to not have either one. Kathleen is going to send me mine back if she didn't delete it...

so...more later.

Well she did delete it. So now I'm going to do it all over again...trying to stick to my original answers. (as if "what my favorite color" would change overnight.)

1. IF YOU COULD HAVE A HOUSE ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD IT BE?
I would want it to be in the countryside...devoid of people...multiple storied with a ton of bookshelves and half trees and half field. I would want a garden space and enough sun to have flowers. Of course I would also want it to be about an hour away from a town that has everything...artsy movie theater, higher education, an airport (preferably something on a nice route to either international destinations and/or a bigger airport) and lots of people and culture. If I can't have this, then i'd prefer a tiny studio in the city and a tiny summer home in the middle of nowhere.

2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
My slimming navy henley. Also my Old Navy hooded blue sweatshirt. Also Eva's gray scarf.

3. FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX:
a genuine smile. (obviously a straight person wrote this questionaire)

4. WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?
the last Indigo Girls-Moment of Forgiveness. It's the last CD I have purchased in the last 3 years.

5. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
On a roadtrip with Eva.
On a trip with Eva.
Chatting in bed with Eva on a sleepy morning/night.
With Eva in general.
Also with my parents when my mom has made biscuits and gravy, or tacos, or when we're eating a pepperoni pizza somewhere.

6. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
At the gyno. (that's not what I put down the first time...I can't remember)

7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
I'm boring. I like it when my shoulders are rubbed. But I'm not really into massages...I'd rather just take a nap or something.

8. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
Strong in mind! Duh!

9. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?
around 8 AM if I stay up with Eva...if not, then I usually get up around 10.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
Definitely it's the water boiler. I had never seen these in the states, but it's something we use every single day multiple times. I'd rather have a water boiler than a toaster oven!

11. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
people who are REALLY impatient (like the people who honk when the light has been green for a split second...or people who honk because the huge jewish family across the street is letting our their 7 kids) I also get really angry if I see someone being mean to an older person.

12. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Piano. People who play the piano are almost always really interesting people. I suppose I also wish I had never given up the Tuba.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
Navy. Anything Navy. Sometimes I'm dressed in different shades of dark blue from head to toe.

14. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR Luxury Car?
I love my Geo Metro! I would prefer something that got 40+ MPG and costs under 10 grand! (in my dreams!) I'll probably settle for a used VW Golf next time around.

15. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
I can't answer this.

16. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Goodnight Moon

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Every single one. I like snow. I like flowers. I like rain. I like heat. I like leaves and colors. This is a reason that California weather wasn't ideal. I missed knowing what part of the year I was living in. It was always a constant state of an in-between...almost summer or end of summer or something.

18. WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
All of them...though laundry is my absolute least favorite. (only if it requires going to a laundrymat)

19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Wow, thats a hard one..maybe rewind time to relive fun things...or to see people you miss.

20. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
I have one on my ankle wich I designed myself that represents my life from age 12-22. And no, I don't regret it and never will.

21. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
No.

22. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
Probably my mother's mother. She sounds like a wonderful lady...and we shared the same birthday.

23. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Saturday...because the stores are open and, though we never really go shopping that often, it's great to know that we can. :) And it's nice because we are well-rested from sleeping in and we know that we still have another day of weekend ahead of us.

24. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
I dont' have a car here. I have a scooter. And if the trunk of a scooter is the back, I suppose I should say that Eva is ususally in the trunk of the scooter hanging on for dear life.

25. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
I like burgers, but also Suchi if it's not a fish version. Wasabi is delicious! And now that I have mastered chopsticks, bring it on!


So there. Don't you feel better knowing these silly bits of information about me? If you have a question you'd like for me to add, just send me a questioin via email.

IN THE NEWS:
I can't find a specific news quote, but I heard several times on the radio today that there are fears that terrorists will blow up a ferry between Calais and Dover (which we are planning on riding) sometime around Christmas.

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November 13, 2002 : wearing houseshoes backwards

not backwards I guess, but the wrong one on the wrong foot. I thought it wouldn't matter, but it's back there in the "this is driving me nuts" category in the back of my brain but I'm going to keep them this way just because. I think it keeps me more alert or something. :) Who needs drugs when you have slightly worn (this is why I thought it woulnd't matter...they are only a month old) house slippers on the opposite feet?

I forsee the day being a rather plain one, save the fact that we are going to the Mall tonight to look for winter coats (slimming black heavy-duty leather euro coat for me and for Eva a woolen warm version of her black lighweight one she has now.)

Littld did I know that I would have to fend of another case of size-depression, as we found no coats that fit me...and no coats that were the right size in general. I did, however, try on a pair of corderoy pants at H&M which did happen to sort of fit me, but my belly hung over the button like a pluber/beer drinker/horrid high school football coach wearing coaching-shorts. You get the picture.

Anyway, I did eek out a few tears when I got home, and swore off any solid food save my standby of pumpkin-tomato. I was going for the go-to-bed-hungry feel, but Eva wouldn't hear anything of it and fixed me the soup. I am now ok about the whole ordeal. But, as we read a couple of days ago, this self-image problem stems from the fact that I am creative. ;)

IN THE NEWS:
Facing a tight deadline and the threat of war, Iraq accepted a tough, new U.N. resolution on Wednesday that will return weapons inspectors to the country after nearly four years. Iraq's U.N. ambassador said his country hadn't placed any conditions on the resolution's terms. In an argumentative and sometimes threatening nine-page acceptance letter to Secretary-General Kofi Annan, Iraqi Foreign Minister Naji Sabri attacked the United States and Britain, the co-sponsors of the resolution, and called the U.N. action unjust and illegal. But he declared nonetheless that Baghdad would abide by the resolution.

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November 15, 2002 : and then they were here

I made my way to the airport in Brussels the same way i would ordinarily make my way...via train with Eva in my sites until Mechelen where she gets off the train and I go on. I got the the airport in plenty of time, checked the flight status, and went for a coffee in my favorite of coffee locations (airportly speaking) at the end of the long hall of eateries and got-to-buy-something-for-someone-before-I-leave-Belgium shops which sell everything from scarves and underwear to new luggage. (why?)

I got a coffee and plunked myself in a booth with a bird's eye view of all things taking off. Just 6 months ago I was there with Susan and Eva getting ready for my spur-of-the-moment trip back to the states. Now here I was doing much of the same only in solitude...watching the planes over and over again taking off. I won't go into detail about how planes amaze me. I have probably written of it already several times...but it still amazes me. I dont' tire of it. I simply am awed by the concept of taking flight. (as have so many people before me been stuck on that notion as well.)

I even wrote a poem about it (see Different Planes) Nothing much except for the fact that it encapsulated that wee bit of time when it seemed everyone was watching them take off. Sure some businessmen are jaded...but us regular people...we'll never be.

And then they were here.

I picked them up at the arrivals gate, and had Ani Difranco not already written a perfectly penned song on the subject, i would give it a go. (not that mine would be a song OR perfectly penned!) see Arrivals Gate by Ani Difranco

I must admit that I was quite shocked at my mother's eyes. Several weeks ago she had surgery on her eyelids because they had been obstructing part of her vision. She said the results had been amazing...as she could now see a lot more without having to look up. Well, I had tried to prepare myself for a brand new mom, but I had sort of forgotten by the time they arrived. There was a bit of swelling and the faint line where stitches had been only a few days ago. I tried not to think about it...but it was rather strange. To me, it makes her look completely different. (which I am sure I'm exaggerating a bit)

On to the rental car where they told us they could give us a van-type car in the same class of vehicles. A turbo diesel Renault Scenic...perfect for hauling luggage around. We got settled in the car (me driving) and I confessed the fact that I had only driven a stick-shift maybe a dozen times in my life. (My dad's farm truck on dirt roads does not remotely count...it's basically all due to Bobbie's Honda) Pulling out of the garage it died. Not wanting to let this get to me, I spent the rest of the day die-free and had only one more instance in Luxembourg later in the evening/night.

We headed to Mechelen and went to the Jewish Relocation Museum and met Eva and our friend An for lunch. Then, when they went back to work my mom, dad, and I ran around town; to the cathedral, a sleutal shop (I had another key made for the scooter), a bathroom break at INNO for my mother, and back to pick up Eva and head to Luxembourg. (everything still a surprise for my parents)

We made it to Luxembourg in decent time. We didn't have a map of the city but I knew the hotel wasn't far from the Central station. It ended up being in the heart of the seedy district in-between a butchers and a ladies-dancing-nude-with-poles bar. Oh well. We had a problem deciding on where to leave the car as I was paranoid about it...much like I had been paranoid about leaving my car in front of Bobbie's and Erin's house in Oakland. Dumb in retrospect, both were instances of I-just-don't-want-anything-to-happen-AT-ALL and that's ok...because it doesn't happen all of the time, so a few times a year it's ok. And it's certainly ok when it's my only mode of transportation in California and we're 2 weeks away from leaving on a roadtrip to Missouri. And furthermore it's ok when it's the first day/night of a roadtrip in Europe. Certainly!

Enough of that.

We then had to find dinner where we finally found a little bar/cafe that served us two good meals and two bad meals. Eva's and my mother's were absolutely delicious...my dad's and mine were very common. We headed back to the motel for a big dose of the BBC and MTV Europe and headed to bed...because tomorrow we are headed to Salzburg, Austria.

IN THE NEWS:
Mir Aimal Kasi was executed by injection last night, nearly a decade after he opened fire outside CIA headquarters, killing two people and wounding three in what he said was a protest of U.S. policies toward Muslims. Kasi, 38, who fled to Pakistan and Afghanistan after the killings and eluded the FBI and intelligence officials for 4 1/2 years, was pronounced dead at 9:07 p.m. at the Greensville Correctional Center. Strapped to a stainless steel table, Kasi entered the death chamber at 8:58 p.m. and uttered familiar words for the last time: "There is no god but Allah." He then softly began chanting in his native language of Urdu as the poison killed him.

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November 16, 2002 : driving through mist

I have scarcely seen anything like it. The mist we drove through today. Driving around Luxembourg City trying to find a breakfast place open...driving over otherwise beautiful bridges overlooking winding streets below dotted with the proverbial and necessary castles and houses of the Luxembourgers, we spotted a bagel shop and ate the best breakfast bagels I've had since my lunches at Posh Bagel in Mountain View, California and my other favorite in Cincinnati, Ohio...which I have, unfortunately, forgotten the name of. (that's bad!)

Just over the border into German (still mist) we spotted (you won't believe this!) a WAL-MART SUPERCENTER of all things and my delight made us stop there for several reasons one of which was to look for the town my parent's ancestors left before coming to America in the 1800s and just to visit a Wal-Mart. We even took a picture of it.

I must admit that my dad's feelings on looking for my mother's ancestry birthplace/homeland disappointed me. He was completely uninterested. To overcompensate, I made sure that we found it and thankfully it was in the direction we were already headed. I think he couldn't have cared less, but Eva and I figured it was a great thing to add to our agenda. So there we have it. I'm part German from way way back. Which basically means I'm as German as I am English which isn't much (basically in Surname only) but it was cool to see my mother with appreciation and thankfulness in her eyes. We even managed to snap a photo of the sign with the exit Baden-Baden on it...which is the only reference we had to go on.

On through Germany the weather didn't get any better. There were moments of literally no visibility and other-times where the countryside stretched out in the distance. I think German a most beautiful country, as I had already made my mind up on this fact during out trip through Germany over the summer coming back from Italy.

Farmland dotted with villages and then bigger sprawling cities one of which was Munich which is outskirted with Dachau and it's concentration camp. And now I know the play on the word concentration; the concentration of a specific group of individuals and the concentration it took to survive them. We followed the signage that became more and more difficult to follow the closer we got to the camp itself. It was on a tree-lined boulevard in an industrial section of a very ordinary German (or any country for that matter) town. We passed McDonald's and computer stores, Do-It-Yourself lumber shops and such and then there it was.

It was a very moving experience. Not eery. But silent. Crematoriums and reconstructed barracks. The memorial is designed so well as to make you lower your levels of speak and strike laughter and smiles from your faces. I thought I would feel more stories there, you know? How you enter a place and are troubled from the get-go. Perhaps the stories are too deafening or simply too many...we walked down the avenue between the barracks and passed the various (what I somehow consider inappropriate) religious memorials some of which are on the plot of land of the old vegetable garden. I would have much preferred a plot of weeds than homage to institutions that seemed so out of place.

It seems a shame to add or strike such a place from an itinerary. We added it at the last moment, a "do you want to go to Dachau?" sort of question just a few exists from our turnoff. Of course we wanted to go. We wanted to see the guard-posts and the electrical fences. We wanted to see the grassy places where just 70 years ago you would have been shot had you stood on it. We wanted to see the ovens and walk through a room designed as a gas chamber, though apparently it was never actually used as that. We wanted to see where the train had rolled through, dumping people on the doorstep. We wanted to stand where people had stood for attention for hours upon hours...the places where the prisoners drug their dead friends along with them, just so the German's numbers would add up.

The unbeautiful part of it is this, we simply pack ourselves up later and keep heading to Saltzburg. We ate at Burger King only 2 hours prior. We slept in the most wonderful hotels later on in the night with the camp becoming less and less burdensome as the seconds went on.

I think our brains are not made to process things over time. We are meant to make snap judgments that linger and then slowly our brains compensate with more and more juices of such and such chemicals to help us get over.

En route to Salzburg past Munich, unbeknownst to us there were gale-force/tornado like winds whipping through the area. We all ground to a standstill on the highway for a number of hours and then were rerouted through the countryside before finally seeing familiar highway signs again.

We found our hotel without a hitch and I was relieved that this particular one, cheaper than the previous night, was actually a classy hotel situated in the most perfect of locations. (read: walking distance to everything) I had my heart set on going into town for dinner, but my father insisted on eating at the restaurant in the hotel.

I was a bitch. Ok? A total bitch. I am of the impression that hotel food is always too expensive and not very tasty. Well, I was wrong. I later apologized and I think my parents always think it's a little funny when I am so obviously in error. :) I just didn't want us to spend all of our time in the hotel with an amazing city at our doorsteps. I had wiener schnitzel (it has nothing to do with a wiener and/or hotdog and/or sausage) which is basically a breaded pork tenderloin and the rest of the family had other just-as-delicious-dinners. It was a good decision on my dad's part...and once again we retreated to our rooms for late-night BBC and MTV Europe.

This is when Eva and I encountered yet another one of our big ideas that might never see the light of day. Buying a diesel car and converting it to run on vegetable oil. Brilliant. I KNEW I had heard it could be done. I knew it was a great alternative to petrol and diesel. Well it can be done. And there are tons of websites that tell you how to do it. You can even run your diesel off of meat drippings apparently, but that sounds a little gross and I don't think I'd want my car to have exhaust that smells like old beef stew. I prefer the smells-like-french-fries.

So here's a bet to myself. Andrea, as soon as you can afford both a second-hand VW Golf and find a mechanic who supports you in your tinkering (if anything goes wrong) then do it.

Ok self, I'll do it. I'm becoming a regular ol' conscious consumer. It's a little frightening. See what Europe can do to you? Live here and you'll know what I mean.

IN THE NEWS:
President Bush's top national security advisers have begun discussing the creation of a new, domestic intelligence agency that would take over responsibility for counter-terrorism spying and analysis from the FBI. If another agency were created in the United States, it would not replace the FBI but would have the primary role in gathering and analyzing intelligence about Americans and foreign nationals in the United States.

(notice that it doesn't say, "Americans and foreign nationals that are doing suspicious things..." That sucks.)

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November 17, 2002 : austria

Eva and I remembered it being nice in Salzburg, but not this nice. When we were here in August we ended up with drizzel the entire time we were here save the time we were on the bus doing the Sound of Music tour. But today...well we couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day.

It's funny that every time my parents come over it seems like the bring good weather with them. Yesterday was an exception I suppose, it was all mist, drizzle, fog, and rain, but since we were in the car for most of the day it didn't really matter. It's true that you couldn't see much, but it's also true that we weren't out in it. It was even nice while we were at the concentration camp. The words nice and concentration camp looking like awkward companions in a sentence.

But today it was blue sky and all Salzburg. Blue sky like I haven't seen in a long time. The sun was out and we ended up carrying most of our jackets. Eva and I didn't know the city that well, only from our adventure several months ago. We knew there to be an elevator to the top of the cliff overlooking the city and though we managed to find it, it was closed for repairs. Our only solution was to hike it. Had we had repelling gear and pelvic harnesses, we probably would have been just as exhausted had we scaled it straight up. Instead we wound our way around the city until we found the well-worn trail that pasted a church and led us on up the cliff. I am always nervous when doing such exercize with my dad around. My mother doesn't worry me as much...she'll rest if she's tired and go on if she's not. My dad, on the otherhand, doesn't lead me to believe he's as genuine with his showing of tiredness.

I realize he's as fit as a man his age can be. But any time you have someone who carries around those tiny pills in an emergency pill-container you shouldn't just brush it off. It aggravates me to no end to see him so impatient and headstrong...his inability to sit still and enjoy things. We no more made it to an overlook then he was off to the next. Part of me sees this as his desire to see as much as he can...and then some of me sees this as is inability to sit still. It's not inner turmoil or something that prods him further...he just gets restless. I've never known the man to sit still through anything except car races around oval tracks, church, and when he's working. Though the first and the last one are pretty intense in and of themselves. Anyone who hasn't been to a stock-car race doens't know how exciting they seem to be. Even I remember going to the dirt tracks when I was younger and being wowed by the sounds of the cars zooming past...and the caked mud flying through the links of the fence. I have since ceased to appreciate it...but if it's your thing, it's your thing. My dad would never buy a cast-model of a certain car or anything, that's completely not his hobby. His hobby, however, is the zoom or the sound or something. So much to learn about my parents and I realize I'll never really know them all.

We walked to the highest point and surveyed the land for as far as we could see. Yes, the hills were alive. No music however, but the hills alive. The mountian tops in the distance were barely covered with snow and the lakes and river below were sparkling clean especially with the sun beating down.

My mother thought it was funny that she had meant to bring sunglasses. I don't even know if I made it back to Belgium with the sunglasses I had worn in Italy. We didn't need them for half of our trip, but they would have been nice today as being sunglasses-less we squinted and added depth to our brow indentions...

There's a castle in the middle of Salzburg that is pretty impressive as well. As mentioned previously, Eva and I didn't do much exploring there our first time around, we simply ran down the old streets and looked at restaurant prices. But the castle is pretty amazing. It's located on it's own small mountain that rizes straight up out of the town. Straight up on all sides with a road winding up to it that is nearly straight up as well. We looked sort of like how ski-jumpers look when they lean into their skiis when they are in the air. So sharp a grade that the castle-maintainers had made a sort of runged-slope over to the right for people coming back down the hill. One false footing and you'd end up at the bottom in a ball.

We paid the entrance fee, but non of the museum fees. We just wanted the prifledge to stand up there, see hte view, walk where castle-dwellers had walked 500 years before, and then take the tram-track thing back down. No use walking the same route as before. For 3 Euro a head we climbed into the gondola and crept slowly over the side. Well worth it.

As if I'm cursed to have bad cramps for the rest of my life, my period also arived on this particular day. I was dead set against it bothering me and drummed up anti-pain thoughts to fight it off. By this time, however, I was suffering a bit. Thankfully, we all were. We slowly made our way back to the hotel for a power-nap before the afternoon adventure of sightseeing outside of town. Eva and I had been so impressed with the area we saw on our Sound of Music tour that we decided we could do the same in our Renault Scenic.

Off we were to the lake shaped like a moon. We stopped and skipped rocks into the water as just made it to the lake in time for it to start turning dark. The water here is so clear that it's drinkable (our tour-bus operatetor had said) and so we repeated the facts we could remember. We were on a road that twisted and turned with the contour of the lake. It looked much like any lake, I suppose, with summer cottages lining the beach at times, and a road that was made for locals only...just small enough for the Scenic to fit through the spaces between tree and water. We lost our sun.

Eva and I couldn't figure out if my parents enjoyed the jaunt or not. We had both enjoyed it tremndously. It made me want to have a lake house just outside of Saltzburg on the lake named after the crecent moon. But my parents sat there comfortably quiet. Were they having a good time looking out onto Austria? Think of it! Austria! Was this fun at all? Wasn't it great to compare what they knew with what they were seeing?

Back in Saltzburg everyone was grumbling about dinner. We had plans to eat at the restaurant Eva and I had stumbled upon in the summer. A quaint restaurant where the locals and tourists mix. We took the car into town (it would only have been a 20 minute walk) and found a parking place not too far from where I surmised the restaurant would be. Every restaurant we passed my dad would say, "We could eat there..." And my impatience started biting at me again. I always have to be on my toes when they are around. I want to please them and I want them to get to know me a bit better. It's a horrible fact that the two don't seem to come together at a point very often. I'm forever stuck in the pretense of being my parent's little girl, and though I love the relationship that connotates, I've got to shake the term Mommy and Daddy, drop the 'y's so I can grow up a bit. I don't know what it will take. Should I drop the terminology that reminds them of their girl aged 0-18? Nothing about me hasn't changed or shifted or grown or receeded. Perhaps I should have kept them up to date all along...it was just too hard, if not impossible.

But they did love the restaurant. We did this time around as well. The most hilarious thing happened while we were there. My dad and Eva had gone to the restroom and my mother and I were sitting there when she started giggling. "Andrea...look at those women" she said under her breath...sort of side glancing obvious, "they are staring at me..."

Sure enough, I looked into the direction of the two women seated in the corner and they really were looking straight at her/us. Obviously so. So much so that I'm sure that they thought she looked familiar or something. (Which they didn't...they were speaking German) But it was hilarious. Once we stared back at them, it was even more funny. Eva and my dad didn't think it was nearly as funny as my mom and I did...and still do.

Back at the hotel we played a round of dominos. I didn't really want to play dominos, as I wanted a stress-free beer at the gay bar we had found our first time in Salzburg. But my parents were adiment about it. Half a game of chicken-foot or mexican-train. Fine.

We had a great time playing dominos. Who needs a gay bar/beer in Austria when you have your parents from the States here to play dominos with?! We played on the peeled back shees of the double-beds that were stuck together. It wasn't the most ideal circumstances, and one that I used in defense of my theory that we didn't really need to play dominos tonight. I'd probably say that every night...which is the problem. I suppose it's somethign I'm learning. Sometimes you just have to make yourself do things you don't want to do...just because it works out in the end to be a great experience.

Nice to learn that from such a simple game with colored dots on white rectangles. I'm sure it will help me leave the house on occasion back when I am in Antwerp and they are in Elkland.

Next stop: Cologne/Koln

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November 20, 2002 : fun met mijn ouders

So my parents are here. That is why I haven't been writing for a couple of days. We started off the trip by spending the night in Luxemburg in a seedy part of town (the hotel was alright!) before heading through Germany (where we stopped at a WAL-MART!) and ended up in Salzburg, Austria....there we hiked up to the castle in spring-like non-rainy weather and then headed back to Cologne, Germany where we got sort-of lost initially (my fault) and then found our hotel.

Blah blah blah.

It's been absolutely wonderful. I have a lot more to say about it...like driving a stick-shift and driving in general, like my dad's insistance that we always be in motion, and my mother wanting to find the area where her grandfather's father's father's father came from. (we found it.)

There's a lot to say...and even more to say about driving around the outskirts of Antwerp listening to one CD in its entirity with Eva last night.

Just like old times.

IN THE NEWS:
We are devestated that the oil tanker off the coast of Spain and Portugal split in two and sank. We've been watching the news about it in every hotel we've stayed in...the ships trying to keep it afloat...and the sludge drifting up on the pristine shore. This one could be 4 times worse than the Exon Valdez one of several years back--there's nothing quite like the picture of the ship with both ends sticking out of the water.

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November 25, 2002 : goodbyes

A big fat cgi-bin error was not what I wanted to get when I got home today, but it is what greeted me. I'm currently writing this in notepad in hopes that I will eventually have the opportunity to post it. At least it means I have yet another excuse (read: more time) to write all of the entries for the past week or so...

I stayed with my parents last night in a Formula 1 Hotel. I will go into greater detail about the hotel once I write the journal for yesterday. I know it's a bit complicated to backtrack entries, and then read them in succession (chronilogically) but I hope it's obvious what I mean.

The hotel rooms all sleep three. One double bed and one bunk above it. The motel was built in little blocks like a multi-story mobile home. My dad had complained (jokingly and seriously) throughout the trip that my mother's snoring had been keeping him awake. One story even had him saying he put in earplugs, a towel under his head and a pillow over his head. Well now I sympathize. It's one thing to breath funny, but it's true that my mother (who is currently trying to sleep on her back until her eyes completely heal from surgery) snores furociously. And my dad insists that there isn't just one single version of the snore...there are many. He even can do a pretty damn good rendition of at least a handful of them...the "approaching train," the "deep sea diver breathing oxygen," the "darth vader," the "nostral blockage version," and the "chainsaw." Pretty impressive. :)

My dad had a small sugar attack in the night and we hunted around the room for something for him to eat. I had a small chocolate square from some coffee along our trip, and he tremblingly unwrapped it, ate it, and went back to bed. It's not a fear that takes hold of me when I see him like that, it's just a weird knowingness. I want to keep him stocked with mini candibars, fruit, lifesavers, and such. I want to repremand him..."never be caught without a bite to eat..." and I suppose he's learning to live with this sugar (or lack of) business. Hypo or Hyper...the one where you have to keep your levels just right.

Once they decided they couldn't get back to sleep after a restroom break, we decided to head on over to the airport. It was something like 6 in the morning, and just 10 minutes from the airport, they started getting ready for bed...the light over my head that florescent tubing that gives off the sort of light that allows you to look in the mirror and see every single filled pore on your face...and every single slight fissure in your teeth. I sat on the bed (there wasn't room enough for all of us to be busy about the room getting ready) and waited for them. It was fun to see my parents running around in their underwear getting ready to leave for the States. My dad shaving and requesting that my mother come over and shave the fluff off of his neck...my mother working about her hair being flat from sleeping. Me sitting propped up against the wall of our modular, toilet-less 31 euro a night hotel...

On to the airport where we checked in the car. That odd bit of waiting where you hope that there isn't a new scratch on the rental car or something that has gone completely unnoticed. The many looked it over and pointed us in the direction of the departures section...and we walked away marveling that we had put 3400 km on a car in just 9 days. Not too shabby. We didn't even drive the wheels off of it. We did manage to enter 4 countries and criss cross Belgium a few times from top to bottom...but we still didn't go at American speed. Well then again, I suppose we did.

They checked in and were the first customers of that specific Luftsansa agent to ever be routed from Brussels, belgium to Springfield, Missouri. She sheepishly admitted to have never heard of it, and frankly had to look up a few specifics before sending them on their way. I waited in the wings and called Eva to wake her up. I admit that I woke her up a bit early just because i had already been up for an hour...some might consider this a bit of evil, I just thought it was fun. :)

With tickets in hand we headed off to the restaurant where I had (10 days prior) sat and had a coffee while waiting for them to fly in. I sat there with pen and paper and wrote a poem about how people are still awed by the airplane. This time around we sat with coffees, breads, cheeses, and such and did much the same. Once the world started getting light outside, we could watch the planes take off just over my left shoulder...and I can't get enough of my dad going on and on about such and such a plane and this and that. Sometimes he completely bowls me over with details and facts--enough to make me want to move back to their "neck of the woods" just so I can catch fragments of his stories. When I hear him talk about makes and models of all forms of mobility, or how to parachute (for example) I am struck by his knowledge base. It's then that I feel I dont' know much about anything. I may know how to pronounce Den Haag in the way that it's really spoken in the Netherlands and know that it is the same as The Hague that is always on the news...but I certainly didn't know until yesterday that WWI was because of royalty being shot in the Balkans or still, after all these years, can't quite figure out how planes fly at all. They are several tons you know... (I get the principle in theory, speed, wings, angles, etc...but it's still pretty amazing.)

On our way to the security station, I rounded up 2 1 Euro pieces and we took our picture at one of those booths that take pictures and put them on stickers instantaneously. First shot, first try, and it's probably one of the best pictures of all three of us. We each put one in our wallet and I hunted down scissors so we could each have some more of them.

We said goodbye before they went into security and took a few pictures. It's always sad...the sort of sadness that approaches very slowly and then overwhelms and then subsides when you are sucked back into the commonplace. I was soon back on the train headed to Antwerp...them on their way back to Missouri. We did our arm-motions of "I love you" through the glass and then we were both out of sight.

Every time I leave someone is that sort of situation...the same situation I faced as we sped past Eva's workplace on the train...I know that somewhere in that fast space behind me or beside me is someone I love. Someone sitting there amidst a structure doing what people do...taking in breaths, fiddling with a pen, adjusting themselves in their seat...looking out the window. And there I am doing the same...minus the train I am in a seated position, along with dozens of other passengers, hurling through mist/rain en route to Antwerp.

And so a trip comes to and end for me...and my parents are not quite through with theirs. Eva and I have a lot to discuss tonight over spicy Thai pork, veggies, and rice...or not discuss really, just visit. Back to a schedule and traditions.

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November 26, 2002 : yogurt.

Whomever stated that yogurt was filling was wrong. I spent the whole day recovering from my adventures with the parents (recovering as in resting) and working on various projects...and eating health food.

I didn't set out to eat only health food, but it ended up that way. A raspberry yogurt for breakfast at 9:30 and then for lunch some vegetarian lunch-meat and wasa-like English flat bread (Ryvita. It's got nothing on Wasa. Wasa rules!) and then a yogurt in the afternoon. I supplemented my nutritious meals with several baby oranges (what are they called?)

By the time Eva got home I was dead starving...which I suppose is good in the long run, the state of being "slightly hungry" means my innards are chewing away on this little protruding pregnant-like belly of mine.

But back to my day. Yesterday I had a great discussion with the people I'm currently doing a site for. Anne told me that my previous mock-ups were "ok" but that they appeared to be more along the lines of "andrea wearing fred's suit" instead of "fred wearing andrea's suit." How fitting. I wrote her today and thanked her for that gentle slap in the face/punch and told her I would carry that with me for the rest of my career.

Outfit other people's wants with my own clothes. I get that. I needed it.

Last night I worked on some other layouts and did the same this morning. The results were embarrassingly better; simple, clean, professional...all of those catch-phrases that people love so much/use so much. I used to be more up on the currently lingo and terminology, now I'm merely doing art because it's fun. Now THAT is a wondrous thing.

Back to my day, take two:
I was merely plugging in the adapter for the speakers when I unplugged the cord to the USB drive and then, having realized my error, I plugged it back in only to short out something, hear a crackle, and smell plastic burning. I grabbed the kitchen chair (I thought twice about putting the swivel, roller-laden computer chair at the top of the stairs...which eva should thank me for) and climbed up to the fusebox and reset it.

Then I tried again. Something in the little plug-in thing was obviously broken, but I figured I should give it a go again. Everything was fine until I twiddled that cord again. Then boom. Smokey even. I reset everything once again and gave up. Since our trusty laptop only has one port...we are currently mouseless, and our network (which provides internet to the mac) is now dead. At least it's dead until we get another hub/adapter. For some reason I'm guessing that in Belgium the adapter stands a good chance at being more expensive than the hub. Call me crazy, but that's a hunch. I suppose it's a good reason to go to German again...land of the almost-american-cheap prices for electronics. Ah well...no car, no cheap prices. What a mess!

No car means more money which means possible car which means no money. Now THAT is a great statement.

Speaking of which...Friday is BUY NOTHING DAY. So do that or don't do that, depending on how you read it. We're going to buy nothing. We might even have beans and sit around and drink our Max Havelar coffee.

Back to my day part 3:
Websites. After yesterday's fiasco with my journal, I re-encountered some problems with andreawilkinson.com and bracketland.com. Not only can I not get mail or ftp, the sites are down for hours upon hours. Ok. I've had enough of that. So I bought new hosting...from a nice little firm in England. To make me feel even better about this decision, I decided to download everything from my two other hosting people. Just downloading bracketland via FTP took 4 hours! Yeah, I'd say that they're having some problems. Wouldn't you?

Enough with the technicalities of my day. I received an email from my mother which brought up the issue as to why they "didn't visit our house." I never got the vibe that they really wanted to come here, and it's so small that it hasn't changed much from last time. I suppose she would have liked to see the new arrangement (as it was her idea) of the apartment, but it just didn't seem to work out. Of course it didn't help that it's always in a state of disarray (what I wouldn't give for a better set of organizational skills) but we had de-dyked (that's what we call it) the house, aired it out, cleaned up the piles, and were ready for them to arrive. It just didn't work out. I didn't do it on purpose, I wanted to fix thai for them. Better luck in the spring. But in the spring, perhaps we'll all be in Roma.

I did, however, make a mistake tonight...just before our wonderful dinner of pork enchiladas, and just after my quick trip to the Vergo for an avocado. I was late arriving to the station to pick up my dearest. And so I'll try to start leaving 7 minutes earlier. She's not much for my tardiness, and I am fully aware that I wouldn't be so keen on it either. Had it not been for my stunning good looks this evening (I tried on her police/army sweater and it actually fit me perfectly!) all would have been ruined. I met her half-way and she didn't forgive me until she emerged from her home-from-work toilet break and said, "ok...you can hug me now." :) (it really was the sweater.)

So it's off to bed. We have switched into a Vlaams-only setting and we shall see for how long this will last. I"m sure it won't cover telephone calls or emails but for other conversations it should suffice.

Tomorrow, yogurt with muesli. Now I'm really into a health-food phase. Perhaps I'll even have a salad for lunch.

IN THE NEWS:
The deputy governor of a largely Islamic state in northern Nigeria has called on Muslims to kill the Nigerian woman who wrote a newspaper article about the Miss World beauty pageant that sparked deadly religious riots. "The blood of Isioma Daniel can be shed," Zamfara Deputy Governor Mahamoud Shinkafi told a gathering of Muslim groups in the state capital, Gusau, on Monday. Islam's holy book "states that whoever accuses or insults any prophet of Allah ... should be killed," Dangaladima told The Associated Press. "If she (Daniel) is Muslim, she has no option except to die. But if she is a non-Muslim, the only way out for her is to convert to Islam."

Daniel, a Lagos-based fashion writer with ThisDay, reportedly went into hiding after being interrogated by police last week in connection with the article, which suggested Islam's founding prophet Muhammed would have approved of Miss World and might have wanted to marry one of the contestants. Her religion is unknown.

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November 28, 2002 : observations...

1: The train station Brussel Noord is still the worst smelling place on my earth. It rained last night and so the puddles are literally layers of liquid...first the bottom layer of dark browny settled dirt, and then heavy layers of rank-smelling urine and then rainwater. I suppose most people exit the station and head in the other direction, seeing as it is pristine...opens on a great expanse of office buildings etc. But just one wrong turn and you see the underside of the European capital...complete with smells that can bowl you over.

I'm in the library at Sint-Lukas.
2: What I've observed so far is that the library is chuck full of great reads. (you know, if you're in to that...) Not masterpieces of english or dutch literature, stuff about design. For instance today I checked out: Graphic Design and Reading, explorations of an uneasy relationship. Cool! ;)

3. while in the library I accidentally turned on the caps lock. I was looking for a caps lock key but didn't see anything. I suppose I should have read the word "lock" under the word "shift" but the word "shift" threw me off. I have already succeeded in temporarily changing the language of the keyboard...so i have to do my best to make sure I don't look down when I'm typing...or I might get distracted by the fact that this keyboard says "a" and that's my "q" or that my "m" is the keyboard's "?" etc. (I got assistance from my neighbor regarding the caps lock.)

4: Yahoo ad: CRAZY ABOUT HER? SEND HER A $IGN. Now you can send and receive money with yahoo mail. (doesn't anyone see a problem with the reasonings behind this add? Besides the fact that the picture is of a 30 year old lady who you are obviously madly in love with...sure...send her CASH. Forget wooing the old-fashioned way...send her MONEY.) ;)

5: Sint-Lukas cleaning ladies can not be trusted. Since I am trying to stay as sin-free and guilt-less I will leave that to your imagination...but I know they stole something from me...and I even asked them about it in Nederlands. "Hebben jullie mijn..." Yep. They said no...but I could see it in their eyes.

(this is not an observation as much it is a slightly funny story...)

While in Brussels I got in touch with the guy I'm doing a website for. (otherwise known as client...you will soon see why I choose to not use that specific word) I was supposed to get ahold of him, but it was impossible because we don't have monthly mobile phone bills because we use the pay-as-you-go phone cards (plug your phone, when it runs out wait until you need to call and then buy some more minutes scheme) It works great for Eva and I because we are poor. We're playing on the poor bit, but we've done that unlimited talking business once before...back when I was a Valley girl and my phone was all the rage. (yes, I remember being sucked into mobile phone gadgetry)

Anyway, I called Eva to have him call me and he wanted me to meet him at a hotel in Brussels that had a place to get coffee on the first level.

So...there I was, meeting a man in a suit in the lobby (sort-of) of a hotel and he's bringing money for me.

You read between the lines. It's sort of funny. :)

Observation number 6 is, people here love it when you speak their language:
With the money in my bra (I've taken to putting it there for safe keeping) I headed to the Zuid station to hop a train to Antwerp. At the train stop below the station a group of older ladies and I seem to be looking for the same thing. The direction to the trains. Barely visible to those of us who are unfamiliar with Brussels, I inquired where they thought the train station was ("waar is het station?") and they replied simple sentences for me "ik dink daar" pointing up and "ik weet het neit!" giggling and shaking their heads. :) I agreed in my Flemish, "ik dink het is op het trap" and we made our way to the trains.

Having safely arrived in Antwerp I headed to the market to buy wine for tonight's Thanksgiving dinner put on by Susan and Leila. On the way to the wine, I bought Eva a Christmas gift (small, but excellent) and carried on and on about it in Dutch with the shop owner. So much so, that I figured he was just nodding his head (and the lady behind him too) because they had no idea what I was saying. I broke out in English, "Am I making any sense here?" "Absolutely!" they both told me back in unison. I'm sure I was beaming.

Further up the street I stopped at the flower market which is attached to the grocery store. I was staring at some orange African daisies when the shop worker approached and started rambling on and on about the flowers and which other ones would go well with them. "Niet so snell! a.u.b. Ik ben nederlands an het leren!" and I smiled. She smiled back. She went on rather slowly and much more loudly than before (that's what people do to foreigners the world over!) and I ended up buying Eva a small group of flowers for thanksgiving. Flowers not being something usually associated with thanksgiving, but the thought, well that's definitely thanksgiving worthy. I'm quite thankful for her and fond of her as well.

Inside I managed to find wine. I based it on the date 1998 because that was the year I first met Leila and Eva. I was also going to go for 1994, because that's the year I graduated from high school...but that's a pretty insignificant date really, in the grand scheme of things. So I went for the 1998.

I also bought small bits of things for tomorrow. Seeing as Eva and I are going to BUY NOTHING because it's BUY NOTHING DAY tomorrow, I'm not going to buy olives or vegetables or anything tomorrow. It's going to be a no-cash-exchanging-hands day for us. Please see adbusters for more information. It's a nice concept. Especially if deep down inside you are an activist waiting to blossom. Perhaps you'd like to be the type of person that graffitied billboards and freed lab animals. Than this is for you. It's simple. Don't buy anything. And if you do, be a conscientious consumer. Boycott Israeli-grown cantaloupes. (a suggestion from one of our friends.)

I suppose I should get over my newly found love of the "soup almond." I'm sure it comes directly from Israel.

As soon as I got home I left again to pick up Eva on the scooter. We hurriedly took over our kitchen table for use at Susan and Leila's then came back to make hapjes. (snacks) Carrots, celery, cucumber, and dips. Then we went back over.

Might I just add that tonight was the first time in my life I've eaten raw carrots? They are delicious! (with garlic dip) I couldn't believe it. Are my taste-buds changing or what? I'll be a normal-eating-habited-adult any day now. (I'm almost there!)

The final observance: Thanksgiving
There was no prayer, or parades on the television, or football, or my mother's/aunt's hot rolls straight from the oven...but it was definitely Thanksgiving dinner. Susan did the most wonderful job of getting it all together. Ham, Turkey, green beans, stuffing, mashed potatoes, corn, bread, sliced cranberry jelly in the shape of a can (you all know what I mean), the works! It was amazing. Even little meat-less fake-meat veggies on a stick for Tom. Everything was perfect!

Great friends, good food, and an American tradition right here in the heart of Antwerp's Marialei.

Happy Thanksgiving.

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November 29, 2002 : things I've done/not doing

Here's the deal. I have posters/sayings/things/ideas/verbage in my head. I'm just too scared to print them off and stick them on a poster-place somewhere. Our weenie little printer couldn't handle it anyway, though I imagine our printer at school would do just fine. (though that doesn't support my stating that I dont' do something because of my printer.)

Back to point. I've been surfing around looking at familiar posters like OBEY all sorts of very minor action-type things we all could do if we wanted to. I can't do the yearly (or more) run/sit-in on the airforce (something to do with bombs) in Belgium because if they catch me they'd most likely send me home. Perhaps I should convince Eva that we really DO need to move and we move into an apartment on the first floor with massive windows through which to show anything we want. (not ourselves naked, obviously, but at least stuff)

Here I go again. All want, no Do. All suggestions, no creations. All talk, no action. Blah blah blah. I did, however, take a proactive step into finding a place to project my breast-cancer text, though no one has gotten back to me just yet.

I suppose my life of being ever-so-slightly subversive was severely damaged when my first year of college (myself being a degenerating christian and newly realized lesbian at a christian university--though none of that has any bearing on this story) I set off to save our dorm (it was a decrepit piece of WWII memorabilia that my fellow dorm sisters and I had come to love) because they had plans to close it. Here we were living in a dorm that wasn't heated very well, was falling apart in places, paying the same room and board as other students who were living in the school's hotelish like dorms with kitchenettes and such. (those were the students that either played sports or were children of prominent pastors/alumni) Well on the eve of the bi-annual Visitation day (the day designated for high school seniors to bring their parents and visit the school) I assembled a group of fellow Memorial Hall dwellers provided the sidewalk chalk, and various verbage perfect for plastering all over every entrance to every building on the entire campus. That was our goal. And along the way, we were to write it anywhere we wanted.

So there we were. Seven 18 year old university freshwomen out in the night scribbling and coming up with slogans like, "Save the Earth, Save Memorial." "Save Memorial, our Home." "Memorial is the best dorm on campus, don't let them take it away from us!" "Don't let them make us homless!" etc. I'm sure there were references to biblical scriptures as well, but most of the actual slogans have failed me in the onset of age (lack of recalling it often) We met back up at the dorm and celebrated, or didn't. I think we all turned in at different times, seeing as it would be TOO obvious for all of us to show up with chalky hands at the same time.

And then came the dawn. It was something like 7 in the morning. Our dorm mother got a call. She came to my door and said the head of student life (what a title!) wanted to speak with me. Talk about stern. She (the head of "student life") made me apologize and head off to the rest of the campus with a small little bucket and a sponge. There I was (I rounded up a couple of helpers too) among the feet of high schoolers and their parents, scrubbing away our love for our second home.

I fought back with my weekly cartoon in the school paper and made t-shirts with the red-cross insignia on the front with SAVE MEMORIAL in big huge letters and on the back, my cartoon. I sold them cost-of-printing. The school gave in, and it's been a dorm ever since. (at least to my knowledge...the current dorm mom is actually an old' friend of Kathleen and I...the ex-girlfriend of another friend of ours who is the girlfriend of another friend of ours. I imagine you are thinking that the word "girl" comes up too many times in that sentence. Well, you're right.)

So there you have it. That was my last bit of craziness. Then again, I did do a few wonderful things in my editorial cartoon at MSSC...and I believe we actually made a pink triangle or a rainbow flag or something out of cups stuck into the fence along the school. (someone correct me...did we or did we not write something in cups? Kathleen, please help!)

I've always climbed on things that weren't meant to be climbed on, the fire-escape on 4th street for example, or the one in downtown springfield where Nathan Mattia sang us all Counting Crows songs and it was one of those memorable college nights where we are all thankful we don't have a home to go back to...just a room...just enjoying life and such. And then there was that Easter on top of the new gym they were building at Missouri Southern, Jessica, Lotta, and I eating whatever we could tote to the top, whatever change we could find in the sofa bought KFC biscuits.

I suppose I also used my bit of show space during my senior show at MSSC to say at least a few words to the public. I figured, if people were going to come in, I might as well try to tell them something.

And since then? Nothing. Correction, only two things. One of which was my standing in front of the Hall next to where I worked in Cincinnati, with signs I had made that day at work. (it was primary election time) What on earth gave me the guts/balls/strength to stand there on the steps with hordes of republicans passing me, reading my signs, looking at me all strange like, etc. They were all here to see George W. Bush! What's this silent lesbian doing here with her sign? What's she mean with her signs? And some asked me. And so I told them.

Looking back, that took some sort of innards I don't know if I have anymore. Though my coworkers were made up of a sizable amount of republicans (at least two out of 6) everyone had been so supportive. I suppose most people are supportive of you if you are simply doing things you believe you HAVE to do. (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.) If anything, it just scared the shit out of me. I can remember how I took a blow-pop (candied-gum-centered lollipop which has since become too sweet for me because of my change in eating habits) to suck-on, chew on because I knew I was going to be so terribly nervous that I had to have something to distract me. Wow. Way to go Former Me!

Now what happened?

Last but not least was when my little metro got a paint job on that dreaded election day in 2000. (god, was it that long ago?!) I shoe-polished every bit of window space on my car with huge letters, "VOTE GORE!" IT's the least I could do. But that didn't take much effort...just the effort to drive it knowing that every single person behind you or beside you is reading it.

But once again, what happened?

I'll leave it at that. I have chalk in the cupboard below the sink. I have label paper I'm using for Project Teaching. I have this journal which people seem to find out of nowhere. I think I'll be mulling this over for the next few months. The role of artist/normal-person with burdens/things-that-she-wants-to-say and how that relates to being here, my views on the States (or state of the world), and my daily routine. (I should really get my ass in gear at an earlier hour and preoccupy myself with things bigger than myself instead of drivel...me me me.)

Oh! I'm so excited I can barely stand it! I love it when I get inspired!

Surely there is something worth sharing in this little head of mine.

Stay tuned.

IN THE NEWS:
Today is, Buy Nothing Day. It's just one day, and granted, it's not a celebrated-biggest-shopping-day-of-the-world here...but we're doing our part. (It does help that it's the end of the month and there isn't much to spend anyway!) ;)

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