February 26, 2003 : the day after the emotional bomb
No more about how wonderful it is to sit on the train listening to music. It's still just as nice, I'm just attempting to not be redundant. How I've managed to not be overly-redundant in light of the fact that the first half of the year I stayed in my apartment...I'll never know.
It's still beautiful in Belgium with the blue-sky in stark contrast to the brick buildings in the countryside and the greyness of seemingly every European city. (sometimes that's a good thing...and a lot of the buildings are so old, that no wonder they are gray)
I'm finally almost over the period of sickness, which means I am not giving birth to the Christchild/Antichrist child due to my bouts of morning-like sickness. I still have a dreadful cough, but I think it's getting less and less dreadful with every cough.
I have a lot on my plate right now, especially in light of yesterday. I have reread Jean's email a hundred times and can only read into the bit that says 'fit' and 'more teaching experience.' It's true that most Masters programs in the states include a nice dosage of teaching experience, but I can't help but think what a better person I am for coming here and being introduced to such a wide array of experiences. I am so excited to have my senior show (it's really taking shape in my head) that I'm ready to get rolling.
Next week is Krokusvakantie so I have a whole week to get cracking on writing an assortment of papers detailing my hopes and dreams for some empty space here in Antwerp.
At school there wasn't much going on. No much in respect to organized class, but I listened in to the MAX demonstration, and was wowed by the possibilities. The possibilities are in reference to live performances, which is something I don't really envision myself getting overly involved in, but I take it one step at a time and try to see how a live interactive video performance could be applied to what I'm working on. That's what I like about school. I still don't really see how one could make a point of living as an artist, as I enjoy having a regular job for what it does in respect to self sufficiency. But the fact that I have ideas about making pieces/installations, seems a turn for the better. At least I see art as being something I can do. I just need to make sure I have places to do it.
Oh, it's all about learning one thing at a time.
I road the train to Antwerp without trying to plan which train Eva was on. Actually, I was pretty sure we were going to miss each other, and so after we talked on the phone, we decided that she was going to go on home, and that I would simply meet her there. It's strange not having the scooter to regulate our comings and goings, though I wouldn't have ridden the scooter to the station and left it there. Though it is less-likely to be stolen than a bike would, it just doesn't seem fair to leave it there. Oh scooter, come home, we miss you. If I had known it was going to take so long for a tire to get fixed, then I would have done it myself.
In respect to emails/Instant Messages, seeing as how my birthday is just a little over a month away, I've asked both Bobbie and Jessica to try to make it. (that's sort of selfish, isn't it? "try to come for my birthday...") Out of the two, Jessica seems the most prone to 'make it happen,' and we should see shortly if she'll be able to make it. I'm hoping that we'll have a car by then, as that would open a whole other range of fun adventures...we'll just have to wait and see. Oh Laramie, you have dampened all of our expectations. (a bit self-inflicted)
I have now told a few people about the Laramie nixing, but only a handful. I certainly don't know what to tell my parents, as they had already figured out the best way to travel between Springfield and Laramie...through Nebraska sometimes and through the basic Kansas/Colorado/Wyoming way. And there is also the question of what to tell our friends. It's traumatizing to know that Eva was the one who didn't seem to have any obstacles in her way (save the GRE) and that I was the one who botched it. I'm still going to email a couple of people to see what options are open.
Of course, my optimism about what is open, doesn't mean that I didn't cry for the second day in a row. All I have to do is think of Eva and her success and construe my attempt as a failure and I get weepy-eyed.
I know, I know, self-inflicted...and it's funny that I should think the alternative should involve me learning Dutch well enough to understand old-people here...and simply make some sort of non-profit that visits old-folks homes and shows them how to use the internet to email their grandchildren. See what losing a prospective job does to you? It makes everything and anything seem like a nice idea.
I'm full of nice ideas. Belgium, you may not want me for another year, but you just might get to keep me.
IN THE NEWS:
A complex of angular buildings and a 1,776-foot spire designed by architect Daniel Libeskind was chosen as the plan for the World Trade Center site. The new building is planned to be taller than the trade center towers, which briefly stood as the world's tallest at 1,350 feet. Libeskind's tower also would surpass Malaysia's 1,483-foot Petronas Twin Towers, the tallest buildings in the world.
